Tired, exhausted
I feel tired. My neighbor said today that you've had quite a year... and she doesn't know the half of it. Yes we've had quite a year, but I think we've had quite a life too since we met. I just realized that if someone is 18 years old they could be my children and that next 'big' anniversary for me will be 40. So where did the years disappear?
Do you remember the time after work when you had 'free' time the rest of the evening. You could just sit on the couch watch TV and do nothing. Well I don't remember that anymore. On the contrary I'm thinking how on earth did I make the time pass? What did I do during the evenings? Was I bored? As I don't remember the feeling anymore I can imagine I thought I was fairly busy and had 'no free time'. Everyone lives their lives the best they can and probably all the young people still think they are really busy and have no free time 
The good part is, it's up to you. You can make your life busier or take it more slow. If there are children in the equation it's not that easy (or at least I hope it's not!!) to just let it go. You have a responsibility to take care of those children and sometimes the world around you makes it all very cloudy. You need to achieve so much in the modern world, and if you are blessed with ambition and aspiration for perfectionism, the vicious circle is there.
I have made the mistake of thinking I can handle it. Everything. There was no limit. Well there is a limit. Even for me. I realized the company has to go (yes I had a company for 5 years and even a store in Helsinki city center for a year) and I sold it. About the same time the house we build was sold. Going to Australia was set.
Third pregnancy with all the selling, visa applications and stressing was a lot to handle. My blood pressure sky rocketed at some point and they thought it might be better to begin the delivery with pills. Good choice since I was beaten both mentally and physically. Packing moving to Eastern Finland. The time there was actually one of my favorites since there was no rush... nothing just the birds, me, kids and packing. I loved the time there <3
The time in Australia was phenomenal, it was magic. I loved the way of life, I loved the people we met and the nature... there are no words to describe it. I wish the global recession would not have messed our plans. I wish I could've been stronger there in Australia, I wish I can be stronger this time.
I miss Australia, I really do. I'm just tired of this packing, moving stuff. It's not exciting anymore. My workmates ask are you all excited and looking forward to it. I answer not really, it's just another move.... Maybe I should get excited at some point?? And I might, but right now I just feel overwhelmed by the amount of things that still need to be taken care of and the amount of time left to do that. During the past 'two moves to the other side of the globe' I was on maternity leave and now I'm working full time so that makes me dead beat by the time I get home. No interest nor time for packing. LOVELY, LOVELY WEEKENDS!!
This means I got realistically only weekends to pack. As always, I'll pull it through, but sometimes I wonder what keeps me going on? Why am I still somewhat sane and can even crack a smile 
To maintain my smile I hope this is the last move for us for a long time.....
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